Against Reason Read online

  I have just taken a shower and I am still debating whether it is worth changing out of my sweats and taking a stroll. Perhaps I could check in with Shirley if she has plans. She is a miracle worker when it comes to having a good time.

  “Hey, I have not seen you in ages. You are not purposely avoiding me, right?”She asks, like I have too many friends to chose from that I have to ditch her.

  “Good afternoon to you too. I am doing fine, thanks for asking.”

  “Whatever. What are you doing this weekend?” Her voice is a bit croaky, like she has been sleeping or has a cold.

  “Not much. You want to come over?”

  Before she can answer, I ask, “Are you at Eddie's?”

  “We broke up. I just found out that he has a baby mama and we had this humongous disagreement.” Shirley answers after what must be forty seconds and I know her well enough to predict she is on the verge of tears.

  “I am so sorry honey. Look, come over and I'll order pizza.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  It is two hours later and Shirley is sobbing on my shoulder. I am listening to her give me a rerun of the events leading to the break up and chip in when appropriate.

  “He was the love of my life and for once I let myself believe that I had found my soul mate. We are both Taurus, non practicing Catholics and we rarely fight.” The look on Shirley’s eyes stops me from commenting that she referred to all her exes as soul mates when she met them.

  I lend her another handkerchief and let her go on.

  “We both liked cooking and even planned to sign up for classes next month. I just don't get it you know .I try so fucking hard yet I can't I get the love I deserve.”

  “Maybe he thought you would dump him if he confessed about his kid. He would be right to have such misgivings seeing that you dumped him,” I say trying to insert some sense into her head.

  “Whose side are you on?”

  “Hey, I am trying to look at things from both points of view.”

  “But why wouldn't he trust me? I can't have to find out from an ancient post in his Insta account and have to admit that I have been stalking him shamelessly. How is that fair?" She has stopped crying and is staring at me with a serious look on her face waiting for a real explanation.

  Well, just because I studied psychology does not mean I have all the answers concerning human behavior. I dislike how people tend to make that assumption about me.

  “Shirley, we are almost twenty five and at this point in life we have been through worse to know that life is anything but fair. Basing on how your relationship barely had bumps, I know that Eddie loves you.”

  I know I wouldn’t do what I am about to advise her but still say it anyway.

  “You might just have to ask yourself if you love him so much that you can overlook that tiny flaw to do with a baby mama.”

  “No. You know what I really want?”

  “Prince Harry? But he's off the market.”

  “Stop making fun of me. I want for him not to have a kid and a baby mama that still keeps in touch. I want for him to be the man I have been waiting for all my life.”

  “All your life? You are only twenty four.”

  My phone beeps with a notification and I move to unplug it from the charger. I resume my position on the couch. I have a new message from Bradshaw but choose to handle the task at hand.

  “Look Shirley, you know we can’t all be perfect, right? We mess up here and there but that does not define us. Eddie is no different. What matters is whether he is a responsible dad and supports his kid through an arrangement that does not give room for his ex to meddle in your relationship.” I take a sip of my wine and continue. “I am not sure if he was supposed to be soul mate though, isn't that what you said about Luke, Adrian and that other guy who relocated to Italy?”

  “Really helpful, Edwards,” Shirley says. She clearly had not expected that level of honesty.

  On most occasions, I echo what she is thinking, that the ex is a loser and she should find a rebound asap.

  “Hey, at least he did not turn out to be gay. That would have been so depressing on so many levels and a massive blow your ego.”

  “Maybe.”

  Monosyllables? Okay, I should try another strategy.

  “Have you considered that maybe you could use a break from the dating scene? Go a little slow, find out what you want in a man?”

  “Of course not. Are you trying to say there's a pattern?” When Shirley chooses to put it that way, it sounds like I am judging her taste in men.

  “That it’s my fault I end up with assholes?” She repeats when I don’t answer.

  “I am not implying anything. I am just saying your heart has been through a lot. Maybe you deserve a break.”

  “I don't know, Katie. My sixth sense told me he was going to propose in the next six months. He would have made a wonderful husband. I am not growing any younger, you know that right?”

  “Love, I am also turn twenty four in December and do you see me getting worked up about that crap?” I try to reassure her.

  I have never understood my best friend's timeline when it comes to marriage and settling. With Ollie I always figured we would date a while longer until when we have both reached twenty seven and realize we want to date other people and have a neat break up. Or we would have real break ups in between and still find our way back to one another.

  “No. How would you relate? You had a steady boyfriend who would have proposed to you anytime soon. There is still a chance you two will make up.”

  “How many times do I have you tell you he was, I insist on the past tense, not my soul mate?” I loved Ollie with every fiber of my being alright but I did not envisage a future as his wife. It’s no doubt he would make the perfect husband but somehow marriage did not come up in any our conversations before.

  “How do you define a soul mate? In my experience, the definition of an ideal partner would be one who is responsible, does not sleep with other women within a two feet radius and makes you a priority. He supports you because he sees you in his future. For all I know, Ollie is all of the above. He still calls your mom for crying out loud.”

  How did we get here in the first place? Having Shirley read me the riot act is not exactly how I planned my evening.I want to plead the Fifth but choose to set the record straight. I can't have Shirley comparing her love life with mine.

  “Yes. He called me because deep down he feels guilty for leaving me to figure out life on my own. I might be a little inexperienced in the dating scene but I think it’s common knowledge that if there is no spark ,no matter how much the other person loves you or how perfect they are, they are not your soul mate.”

  “You are right. I hope this break reignites the chemistry between you two. Distance makes the heart fonder, they say. I would like for you not to end up like me, used and still single.”

  This is my cue to distract her, Shirley will go on and on about how she is unlucky in love.

  “This pity party is over. How about I microwave us some pop corn and we watch another episode of Law and Order?""

  “Okay, let me borrow your ugly pajamas”.

  “Stop insulting my P'Js and get your butt here, I am not hitting pause.” I say after her as she trots towards my bedroom.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Four episodes later, I dig out my phone from the couch and go through my Twitter and Instagram account. When I am certain that I am all caught up, I log into Face book. I see that I have one new notification and it reads Christian Bradshaw liked your picture. I click to reveal the picture and it is an ancient picture of me, Jess, Shirley and Ollie on our graduation and all smiles.

  I can't help feeling nostalgic and I pass over the phone to Shirley.

  “It feels like two centuries squeezed into twenty four months,”I say.

  “Yes. Look how happy we were. God, to think that I even thought I was fat. I would kill to be that size again.”

  Huh, perhaps it was not a good idea to remind her about her insecurities.

  “I wish you would stop sayin
g that. Many girls dream of a body like yours.”

  “I am not buying that crap Edwards, you eat like a moron and still maintain a perfect figure . I know for a fact that Jess wishes she had your metabolism.”

  Whoa. I did not know that. That’s uplifting I guess. I have always maintained that Jess doesn't have an insecure bone in her body about her looks. She is of middle height, fair complexion and has nice curves.

  “I am not the one who gets hits on the most at a bar.”

  “That would be because you refuse to make an actual effort with your beautiful afro.” She deadpans and her attention is back to the movie.

  I get a new message on my inbox and this time I read out aloud to Shirley.

  Kate Edwards I see you have been ignoring my texts. I hope you're doing great.

  Is he testing my patience?

  “Okay, who is Christian Bradshaw? You have a new admirer I know nothing about?”

  “Would you call a fifty year old Australian a secret admirer? I like to go with the kind term creep.”

  “Ha-ha. How about you just text him back to humor him? He could be some tycoon who wants to buy your love.”

  “I hate to admit that it's a fun idea, I am a broke bitch. Okay, so should I give him my number?”

  “Yes. Just steer away from conversations that involve you exchanging too many pictures and personal information. Make up the rest of the details, like where you live, what you do excreta excreta.”

  “Hmm for someone who just swore off men, you are good at this”.

  “Oh please, online dating is not rocket science.”

  I roll my eyes and type a reply.

  I am doing just fine.

  Where are you?

  In my apartment?

  Sorry that was a bit ambiguous. Which part of Kenya?

  So the bastard did his homework. Impressive.

  I am from Nairobi, and you?

  I am an architect from Sidney, Australia.

  Interesting.

  So can I get your number? I promise I'm not some internet catfish.

  For all I know he could be a fake but against every ounce of my better judgment, I type my number. He says he would message me on Whats App and sure enough, I get a notification a few seconds later.

  Hey there, it's Christian.

  He is not making my research easy, his picture is the same one he recently uploaded on Face book.

  Hello Bradshaw

  Pleased to know you did not give me a wrong number

  Yes, you would have bothered me until I gave you the right one. So why go through all the trouble?

  You are funny

  Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?

  I assure you it is a good thing, in my books. So what are you doing?

  Flirting with a man old enough to be my father. Oops, I hope he has a sense of humor.

  A straight shooter I see, so besides flirting?

  Watching a movie.

  Bradshaw, that's the only honest answer you are getting for the next few days.

  Or eternity.

  Alone?

  He wants to know if I have a boyfriend. Very clever.

  With a friend

  He doesn't need to know it is a female friend.

  Nice. Tell me about yourself.

  This is not fucking interview. Keep it up Bradshaw and I'll tap on the block icon for real this time.

  Now, why would I give you a summary of my life and ruin all the fun in uncovering the mystery that is me?

  Fair enough. I'll go first, I am fifty, widowed with one kid, caffeine addict. My birthday is in January 5th.

  Not so much information, you might have to reveal more facts if you want me to take the bait.

  Sorry about your wife.

  It's alright, it was a long time ago. I hope this conversation continues tomorrow, we are seven hours ahead of you meaning it's late. Goodnight princess.

  Night Bradshaw.

  He is definitely interested and I feel like I'm new in the game. It's been forever since another man hit on me and I actually flirted back. I dated Ollie since junior year in college and in the four years that we were together , it never crossed my mind to cheat on him. It was pretty much limited to harmless flirting that rarely made Ollie feel insecure.

  In college, most of my friends dated guys out of school .It was only natural that they got super flirty with guys in the hallways and even went on dates. Jessica even tried to set me up with her hot cousin who had this massive crush on me but I would not let her. The basketball player was a year ahead of us and even Shirley said I was nuts for not letting him have my number.

  She teased me saying that I needed to loosen up.

  Ollie hanged out with the popular crowd and word would reach him that his girlfriend has been super close with another gentleman. I did not need that kind of drama in a relationship that was based on trust.

  Moreover, Ollie did not give me a reason to feel like I meant so little to him. He was loyal and let down girls who hit on him gently. I rarely felt the need to go through his phone .

  Perhaps that's how it went wrong. He treated me like I was the prize and made things a little too predictable. It was obvious that out of the two of us, he loved more.

  Try as I might to heed Shirley's advice, I would feel guilty for entertaining the thought of going on a date with another guy. I did not think I could bear to see the hurt on Oliver's face knowing fully well that he was probably the nicest guy in the universe. If such guys they still exist.

  By the time I moved in with him, our arguments barely had to do with the fact that one partner is more than friends with whom. We were both grown up I suppose.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  While Shirley and I have totally different personalities, we like to sleep in. Right now ,she is sleeping peacefully and her dark hair resembles a bird's nest. I am even tempted to take a picture and post on my Insta story just to annoy her. I unlock my phone and check for any notifications like it's the daily paper.

  I have one new email from dad. He is not a fan of sending text messages and either calls or sends emails.

  From:[email protected]

  To: [email protected]

  Re: spend summer in Virginia?

  Hey kiddo. Your brother and I were talking about you the other day and I wanted to interest you in taking a vacation and come visit your old man for a few weeks. If you like the break, you can work for me. That spot will always be reserved for you. Karen says to pass her regards. Take care.

  Love, Dad.

  I have not been to Virginia in months. Since New Year’s actually. Perhaps dad is right. I need to take a break from this post break up shit and do Christmas shopping for him even though it's still July.

  I could escape reality for a while. Like I always seem to do so effortlessly.

  I am surprised Karen passes her greetings this time. We have never really warmed up to her since dad married her in freshman year. They celebrate their seventh anniversary in two months time. Wow. How time flies.

  It is not in our nature to be selfish and not want dad to be happy after mom. In fact, we rooted for him and a certain Paula who was a charming petite lady in her early forties but their on and off relationship did not make it to the altar. Then dad met Karen, a twenty seven year old blonde and even Alex commented that there was something off about her.

  In our defense, we only felt that way because we never pictured dad marrying someone so young.

  The only explanation was of course, the money. We then we came to learn that bitch came from a wealthier family so we did not know where to place her intentions. When we first met her, Karen made a genuine effort to be civil with each one of us but deep down she must have despised us equally. She dropped the act when she walked in on me making out with her super cute nephew the same weekend during Thanksgiving. I had apologized profusely but she still hates me with the fire of a ten thousand suns.

  Karen must me popping champagne now that she knows from dad that I br
oke up with Ollie and I am currently broke and unemployed. However, I suspect that she is slightly bitter that dad is paying for my one bedroom flat.

  The next notification is from my Whats App and I skim through the texts and only open Christian's text:

  Good morning.

  It's sent at five freaking am. He is offline but I reply anyway.

  Good afternoon is more accurate.

  I make my way to the kitchen and decide to surprise Shirley with pancakes. I am a good cook but the image of the aftermath that is a sink filled with dirty dishes always puts me off. I rarely cooked for Ollie unless we had visitors over or if he offered to help. I am on my third pancake when my phone vibrates. I see Christian has replied and I read it out loud, a bad habit I picked from Jess:

  Busy day?

  Not really, just woke up.

  Let me guess, you take it seriously the doctor's instructions to get as much sleep as possible. How accurate is that?

  I would say 100% but then who knows, maybe I was out clubbing till dawn?

  You don't strike me as the type.

  How do you figure?

  Fuck, what's that smell? It can't be the abandoned pan, right?

  I read people

  Surely you have better things to do with your time.

  OK.I cheated, I don't read people. The first statement is a give way, it usually is the truer of the two statements with most people.

  He does make sense. Sort of.

  I am almost done with breakfast. I need to exercise a little self control with the chats before I burn this whole building to ashes. I am sure I don't have the insurance cover for that.

  I reply ten minutes later:

  Clever. I am not most people, that’s a wrong assumption.

  As you might have guessed, I have no intention of giving him the satisfaction that he had me figure out in three minutes. Although, going out today does like sound like a fun idea. Drink and dance our sorrows till five am. Strange that we have not done that in a while. I can convince Shirley to call in sick.

  I should have mentioned that I stand corrected. But looking from your point of view, you are not most people. You are pretty, witty, sarcastic and funny. You don't always get such a combination with most ladies.