Against Reason Read online

  It’s true. Most of my relatives can’t tell us apart. The few that do however have come to realize that Annie is the nicer sibling.

  “Yeah. I also hear you have to be blind not to see the obvious resemblance,” I smirk but deep down I am feeling giddy. He even has nicer set of teeth than any girl I know. Where is the justice in this world?

  When I am certain everyone has resumed to their conversations and the attention is no longer on me, I excuse myself. I head to the downstairs bathroom and pass by the kitchen on my way back to grill my sister about the handsome Ezra. I am certain he is not as single as Annie tried to assure me earlier but a girl can hope.

  I find her mopping the floor to clear some juice that poured.

  “Sorry, I have kept you waiting for long. I made a mess here but your food is ready,” she apologizes when she sees me. “You have put more weight than the last time I saw you. You even look shockingly healthier.”

  “Really? Thanks,” I say in a low voice make a quick glance at the doorway. “Now, I might be willing to forgive you for your forgetfulness if you promise to answer a question or two about Ezra. ”

  “Someone has a crush!” Annie squeals and I pinch her on her elbow.

  “Ow! Was that really necessary?”

  “Yes. He can hear you from all the way there. It is not attractive. Now, are you sure that he is available? I want the plain truth, not sparing my feelings”.

  “I think so but I could ask Justin. He didn’t disapprove of my idea to set you up. That means a lot given that he knows him well. I would advice that you just take time to see how you get along and in the process you will figure out. Do a little digging. And trim a few inches off those ugly nails.”Annie stops massaging her arm and I fill a glass with drinking water and follow her out of the room.

  ***

  I have resumed my seat and currently biting into my last piece of chicken. The lady on my right, Linda, is annoyingly talkative for a married woman. She is about Annie's age and since she joined me twenty minutes ago, she has been going on about her marriage and work.

  She does not bother to give me a chance to give an opinion but that is fine by me, because honestly, I don't have much to add except suggest she star in a local reality TV show, which she might not take lightly.

  I have not been paying much attention to her but I swear I can write an award winning biography of her flashy life.

  “So the other day as I was going out for lunch with my colleague Sandra, you know the one whose husband divorced her two years into their marriage, I saw this babe walk into our building. As we walked past, I heard her make small talk with the receptionist and I had a feeling I knew her. I told Sandra to go ahead and lied that I needed to pick something just to get an excuse to have a closer look at the visitor. Would you believe it was none other than the former Miss World Kenya finalist asking to see my manager?” She says excitedly and I refrain from rolling my eyes. Like lady, there have to be far much more earthshaking news in your world than a celebrity making eye contact with you.

  It gets better.

  “I skipped lunch and offered to walk her up our floor and since my boss was not around we had a chat in my office, talked about random things and became fast friends. She even invited me for her upcoming birthday party next month, you should totally come. Here is my number, I forgot to charge my phone.” She fishes her card from her fancy clutch bag.

  “Um, I don't think I would be available. I mean, you don't crash parties like that.” I shake my head politely as I take the card form her.

  I try to catch Annie's eye and work some telepathy magic on her to get this crazy lady off my case. She is having a normal chat with the other lady and her husband.

  “She said I could bring two more people. You see, she was totally awed by the collections we had on the first day and since then I have been her personal shopper. We bonded over our love for fashion and in this industry you can learn so much about a person just from their preferences and how they choose to dress. Sweetie, trust me when I say she would be thrilled if you tagged along,” Linda blabs having obviously not put two and two together.

  “If that's the case then I will text you my number and we can see if I am available on that day.” See why it was a better idea to just lay on my couch, with my morning breath enjoying the peaceful quiet, in the sanctuary of my apartment?

  I excuse myself and take the plate to the kitchen. When I return, I find that the bitch has not found her next victim. I am however saved by a pat on my shoulder as I am about to sit.

  “Linda, I hope you don't mind me stealing this lady for a few minutes?” It's Ezra who has come to my rescue. I suppress a smile and follow him to the veranda. I catch Annie’s eye on my way out and she winks.

  “Thank you,” I murmur nervously as I pull a chair.

  “You are welcome. That lady was obviously boring you to death,” he says jokingly.

  “You have no idea.”

  “I have been there before. It’s no secret Linda does love listening to herself talk. Perhaps a little too much,” Ezra says and laughs breezily. He briefly scrolls his iPhone and places it on the table. He looks at me in the eye and adds, “I think I found a perfect excuse to borrow you for a few minutes. I was running out of ideas.”

  “Well, better make those minutes count then.” I smirk trying to downplay how much his intense gaze is affecting me.

  “You don’t mince words, I see. I would really love to get to know you. Perhaps even convince you to meet me for lunch next week,” he winks.

  “Overconfident much?” I can’t resist adding. He thinks I am cute.

  “That’s what they tell me but it comes with territory. I started off as a journalist for this paper but now I am a fitness trainer. It must have done magic to my self esteem. Enough about me, let’s talk about how I have never met you. All these years I have known Annie and Justin and we have never crossed paths.” He strokes his beard and I notice he has a stud on his left ear.

  “Let’s see, maybe because you either have a crazy schedule or you don’t socialize a lot. The later is more likely. But like they say, there is no better time than the present.” I am careful not to show how eager I am to know him. Like really known him. From his favorite movies to the number of women he has dated.

  “Ha-ha, I couldn’t agree more. Is this the point where I am declared cool enough to have your number?” Ezra does this thing again where he gazes at me like he really thinks I am cool and confidently extends his phone for me to save my number.

  Omg. He is cheating his way into my heart.

  ***

  I am not crazy enough to think I have a chance with Ezra but I stalked him on Instagram as soon as I got his number. He is like some celebrity out here making an impact on people’s lives. I see posts of him training at the gym with clients whom he has helped make progress and there is no doubt he knows and loves what he is doing. He does look breathtaking on this pictures with the rock-hard abs and impressive muscles. I screenshot a couple of them.

  Much to my disappointment and relief, there are no posts of him and exes or lady friends apart from gym members. In fact, there isn’t a single picture taken outside of work. Weird.

  Shirley thinks I should save myself from the heartbreak of the century and ask him out rightly if he has a girlfriend. I don’t completely disagree because as a therapist, I would say communication is key. I almost asked him last week over lunch but I chickened out the last minute. There is no way in hell I am lowering my pride and asking a man I met two weeks ago if he is seeing someone.

  I am not that stupid.

  The bad news is that I am likely to find out the hard way when I am half way in love with him. Oh God, I hope he is fucking single. He better be or I am dead. It would literally tear my heart to shreds and give me early stroke this time. What I went through after my break up with my first college boyfriend, Kevin, will be nothing compared to this. I would have to get a tattoo, move to Mauritius, change my identity and avoid men for a few decades.

  Speaking of exes , O
liver has not bothered to apologize for letting me think he was asking me out. He really changed the rules of the game this time. I have always loved to think I have him figured out. Looks like you can ever really know what’s going on in a man’s mind. It’s beyond me now, forget what I said earlier about him being so predictable. No man with a Y chromosome is predictable, I don’t care if you have proof of how you have wrapped him around your little finger.

  Trust me on this one.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Being single is fun with all the mini heartbreaks you experience from crushes. One moment you are mourning Harry and the next minute, you are going on a date with the new guy at work.

  But not for me. Unfortunately.

  I am convinced I am not cut out for this kind of life. For starters, I have developed serious feelings for the most emotionally unavailable guy on the planet.One would say I am obsessed. It's a new feeling, something I have not felt in a long time.

  Unlike what I had with Oliver,this is intense and I am constantly worried that maybe I am not enough and he might not want to be with me.I have been tirelessly wracking my brain for any clues that whatever I am feeling is not one sided.This is foreign and it's seriously messing up with whatever plans I had to act cool with him. He has been giving me mixed signals and I don't know if my fragile heart can take it anymore. One moment we are talking for hours on phone and the next, he is replying to my texts with no hint of emotion.

  The first few weeks in my relationship with my ex were different on so many accounts and I sometimes catch myself making comparisons. With Oliver, I was certain he liked me and never failed to remind me on every chance he got. I rarely went to bed without a goodnight text and would surprise me with gifts and flowers on random occasions.

  So many girls pinned after him but he was determined to show me that he was mine ,if I let him be.What I had with him was sweet and mature. Oliver assured me that playing games with a woman his hearts beats for had never been his strategy. At the time, I thought it was cheesy but right now , I wish Ezra was as straightforward too.I miss the consistency.

  I am currently pacing in Ezra’s bedroom as he takes a shower. I check for the time on my phone and it indicates 7.15 am. Last night was incredible but I am not sure if I should leave before I make things awkward for us both. When we woke up this morning, Ezra told me he would be gone for work and be back by eleven. He said he would give me a clean T shirt and a pair of boxers.

  I suspect I am getting a special treatment because I am Annie’s sister. Ezra is clearly not the commitment type. He was so sweet to me last night and I kept him company while he cooked for us fish from scratch. He listened to me talk about my childhood and all the trouble Alex and I got ourselves in boarding school. He is a gentleman when he wants to be and this morning, he made me breakfast which remains untouched.

  For the first time in months, I don’t have an appetite.

  I can tell Ezra is trying not to give me the wrong impression but we both know he is using me for sex. There, I admitted it.

  I may be paranoid but all those sleepovers I had with Shirley as she went on and on about the men in her life taught me a thing or two. Of course I should be able to detect red flags from a far but when it comes to my own love life, I am as blind as a bat.

  Annie tried to assure me that Justin was that way with her. She claims some men find it harder to express their feelings but it doesn't mean that they don't care, I just have to give him time. My sister must surely know Ezra more and that remains my one ray of hope. It's something that goes against what I have always subscribed to; that if you have to second guess something then maybe its not meant to be.

  Ezra steps out of the shower and with a towel wrapped around his lower half. I struggle to keep my eyes off the ripped abs and focus on why I want to leave.

  “Hey, you have a worried look on your face. Everything okay?” Ezra says as he sorts out his work out outfit.

  “Yeah. I just woke up to pee and brush my teeth. That’s all.”

  He raises his eyebrows and leans in for a kiss. I am glad I brushed my teeth or this would have been awkward. “You are dressed.”

  “Okay, here is the thing. I have an appointment I forgot about until a few minute ago. It’s with Annie’s wedding planner and they would both kill me if I am late. You know, flower arrangements and stuff.” I hope he doesn’t call my bluff. I have no idea if Annie and Justin have decided on a venue yet leave alone if they wish to hire a planner. I have not been following closely on the conversations on the Whats App group.

  “You sure it can’t wait? I am not done with you yet”, he whispers in my ear and starts unbuttoning my see -me-through chiffon top.

  “Huh. Tempting. I would take you up on that offer but well, I don’t want Annie to go all bridezilla on me.” He nods in understanding and gets back to dressing.

  Ezra gives me a ride home which is at least a forty minutes drive from Kitengela without traffic. This is so generous of him, any other guy would have had me take a taxi. Before he leaves he tells me he would call to find out if I have plans for the weekend.

  Back in my apartment, I take a long shower and get back to my blog. I reply to a couple of comments from kind readers but I am not really in the mood. I close the laptop and play old P!nk’s songs. I pour the tempting vodka half way into a disposable plastic cup, grab a dining chair on my way to the balcony and stare at the street below me.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  On Saturday, Ezra asks me out for lunch but I decline claiming to be coming down with a cold. I opt to see Shirley even if it means painfully enduring Jess’ boring company for a few hours. I can’t trust myself around him. Not when I am falling for him hard that it borders on abnormality.

  Jess is excited to see me, or pretends to be. We exchange air kisses and can’t help but note that she seems to have put on a little weight and there is a different air about her.

  “Katie boo, it’s been a minute. I was just telling Shirley that we need to catch up, just the three of us. I missed you." I smile back politely. I have not seen her in weeks and Shirley has been covering for me. I suppose Jess finally realized we were drifting and stopped pestering me to go out with them.

  “You look good Jess. Really,” I can’t help saying. It’s true, she looks happy and contented.

  This is a refreshing change as I have become used to the Jess who would usually make you uncomfortable in every way possible by subtly pointing out how inadequate you are. With her, everything has always been about competition. From careers to clothes.

  “Thank you. It’s because I come bearing good news.” Jess says and winks at me. She rubs her belly and I exchange glances briefly with Shirley.

  “You are pregnant? Oh my God!” We both squeal in excitement and crush her in a hug.

  “Yes my lovelies. Your girl is two months pregnant. I took another test this morning, just to be sure.” She replies and we double over with laughter. “Guys, you know you can’t really be sure till it starts showing.”

  “Oh really, wouldn’t missing your period be the first give away? And the morning sickness? The cravings?” Shirley snorts and we laugh some more. Jess sticks out her tongue, not thrilled we are laughing on her account.

  “More importantly, you look pregnant. You are glowing Jess. Besides, out of the three of us you are the only one with a regular cycle," I supply.

  “If you say so,” she says still rubbing her belly absent mindedly. I had no idea she wanted a baby so bad. Perhaps behind the show she puts up for us is someone who wants the same simple things in life like the rest of us.Happiness, a love that lasts for a lifetime and children of her own to carry on the family name. Perhaps I judged her a bit too harshly and she underestimated me because we have always been opposites.

  “We know so,” I say encouragingly. The rest of the afternoon moves swiftly as we catch up on our latest episodes. I am careful to be as nonchalant as possible about Ezra as I don’t need pity from my friends when they realize I am having relationship drama again.

 
When Jess leaves and it’s just the two of us, Shirley mutes the TV and says she has something important to tell me. “I am only telling you this because you are my best friend and I wouldn’t bear for you to get hurt. I did not say anything before because I kind of figured you wouldn’t want Jess’ pity. I have endured those countless times so I know how it feels.”

  I place my phone on the table and look up. I have a faint idea of what’s coming but I sit still with sweaty palms on my laps. “Okay. What’s it? Not that anything would surprise me anymore these days.”

  “It’s Ezra. Brace yourself for what I am about to say next.” Shirley bits her bottom lip and the expression on her face shows she is sorry to have to tell me herself.

  “What about him?” I ask, not sure if I want her to go on. I knew it, he has a girlfriend and they live together. What kind of guy has an apartment furnished like that? With such feminine taste? Why didn’t I take the chance to snoop when he was in the shower? And he cheated on her with me?

  “So, last week at the office Laura was going through my phone and she saw those pictures you sent me of Ezra. She recognized him and it was not easy to get her to open up about him, but she confessed she hooked up with Ezra, a couple of times. The most recent being the same weekend you were at Annie’s. ” Shirley drops the bombshell and we are both quiet for a few minutes.

  I don’t know what to feel. I thought having had suspicions about him before would help lessen the ache I am feeling right now. I thought I had built an amour but apparently coming across evidence, unexpectedly or not, still has the same impact; shock and disappointment.

  I clear my throat and meet Shirley’s kind eyes. “What does Laura think about him? What’s their deal exactly?”

  “Laura has a boyfriend so I don’t think commitment is part of the deal. Although, she says she confessed to Ezra that she is seeing someone else and he was not surprised. At least that’s what Laura insists.” Shirley shakes her head slowly and passes me my abandoned drink. “Look, I may not be the right person to give advice on men but, I don’t think I would want to be with someone who helps girls cheat. I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and trust me, a relationship like that doesn’t end well. Unless of course, it’s a rebound thing but I get the impression your feelings run deeper than that. I am sorry, Katie.”